Gauging the structure of your family

How close is your family? How involved are you in each other's lives? What about your family's temperament? Are you the kind of family where everyone is relaxed, with an open-door policy, or are things a bit scattered and you like it that way? Or do you prefer order, everything kept tidy and in its place, favoring people to call before dropping by? This is the structure of your family.

Some families are so involved in one another's lives that there is little privacy. They know the ins and outs of each other's business. When a problem occurs, everyone gathers, and there are few secrets. Your culture may define the amount of closeness you have.

For many cultures, it is normal to be extremely caught up in one another's lives. This can be a great support system. It can also be unhealthy, if one or more persons feel they need more space to differentiate and be an individual. If even one person feels it is negative, it can be called enmeshment. But if all family members are content and enjoy the closeness, you may just have a close-knit family.

Other families are the exact opposite. They may be involved in their own lives and there may be little engagement between the members. Families like this would call themselves independent and for them, this is the norm. The negative of this family type is called disengaged ? where there is a lack of quality relationship between the members and an inability to connect.

Then there is the temperament of your family. Some families are super organized. They may be quieter than other families. Not only are their homes organized, but so are their interpersonal interactions. This type of family is structured.

More flexible homes exhibit spontaneity, things may seem a little messier to a "structured" outsider. But fun and adventure abound! This is a more chaotic family. Again, this may be the norm for some cultures. None of these family types are to be seen as negative; unless they infringe on another's development.

So whether you are enmeshed, connected, disengaged, or independent, the type of family you come from forms your perspective on the world of what is "normal." The fact that your family may be structured or chaotic says a lot about your viewpoint. It is important to understand that there are many different norms and that when you look into another family, you may have a tendency to be judgmental about what is really just another way of living ? not necessarily right or wrong.