FAMILY FAITH:Good behavior starts at home

An absolute moral standard — there just has to be one. Two weeks ago, I wrote about how we choose to allow others to treat us. It grieves my heart that humans justify their actions when they harm another.

I am addressing family dynamics at this time. Using foul language, physically or psychologically abusing a spouse or child, and then justifying it, is wrong in the eyes of God. If there are patterns in yours or another's life, using excuses like "stress" or "they provoked me" do not dissolve the sin in the eyes of God.

As children, we develop patterns of attachment with our caregivers. When these patterns or our upbringing have been dysfunctional, or allowed dysfunctional behavior, we can grow into adults who treat others in a poor manner and then justify it. In circumstances like these, as Christians, good Christian therapy can a valuable resource to work out some of those dynamics.

For those of us who are parents of minors now, prevention starts at home. Children crave boundaries and want to be held accountable for their actions — even if they do not know it. Children need discipline and consequences. When parents do not provide these things, another generation of blamers and narcissists is raised. The result is they bring dysfunction to their future spouses and children. There is great wisdom in making our children accountable for their actions, not excusing them, and not allowing them to get away with it.

A few months ago I heard an older mother say, "If we do not take up for them, who will?" This was in regard to a disobedient action on the 9-year-old's part. My thought about this remark was — If we do not correct them, who will? What dysfunction will our children bring later into the lives of others as they make excuses for their actions?

I am a parent. I love my children and will support and help them with grace. However, I also know it is my job to show them how their actions affect others. Their own life can also suffer, legally and interpersonally, when they do not behave in a way that takes others' feelings into account.