It is not God’s intent for us to end relationships. In fact, if it becomes a pattern in our life — where we have lost many relationships over time — there may be an issue within us. That issue may be an unhealthy way of interacting with others or the inability to handle conflict appropriately.
All relationships, even the good ones, experience stress, misunderstanding and hurt feelings. On occasion, we need to let a little bit of time pass to heal, then talk and restore the relationship. But if we find ourselves getting hurt by others frequently, or finding fault in others, we may have to look no further than within ourselves to see if the problem lies there.
Are we unforgiving? Intolerant? Critical? Sensitive? This is not God’s will nor is it healthy. It is God’s will for us to live life together, hit bumps in the road of our journey, forgive, heal and move on in health with our fellow human beings. And that often means understanding that there will be something we disagree with in all our relationships, aspects of others we don’t particularly care for, and even irritants. But we must always reflect on this profound fact — that we have the same effect on those we are around as well!
If you think about the years of your life and notice a pattern of conflict in interpersonal relationships, or in retrospect, notice that you have had many relationships in your life end, there may be a common denominator — and that common denominator may be you.
Admitting this does not make one weak, on the contrary, it makes you courageous. Because noticing something about ourselves that may not be healthy, and getting help for it and changing your behavior, may bring life, joy and health to your life that could never be possible if you had been stubborn and not noticed an area you need to grow in.
We need other people in our life. We require relationships with others to be healthy and whole. If we cut everyone off that causes us hurt, we will most likely find ourselves alone later in life. Is it time to restore a relationship? It may be a call or a letter away. Do we need to ask forgiveness to someone? It can bring health to our heart and our spirit. Do we need to reach out to someone that we forgot about and possibly let down? We may find a fresh, new friendship ready to pick up where it left off. God tells us to forgive, to love, to be a friend. To do so blesses us and the other person, and those around us — even our families.
The Rev. Kimberlie Zakarian can be reached by e-mail at holyhouse9@gmail.com or by mail at Holy House Ministries c/o the Rev. Kimberlie Zakarian, M.S. La Vie Counseling Center, 650 Sierra Madre Villa, Suite 110, Pasadena, CA 91107.
