Small Wonders:

A couple of pleasant distractions

June 27, 2009|By Patrick Caneday

Daughter 1: Are you writing your article, Daddy?

Daddy: Trying to.

Daughter 2: What’s it about?

Daddy: I don’t know yet.

D1: Why not?

Daddy: I don’t know. I can’t think of anything to write about.

D2: Daddy, you should write about Nutty Boy.


Daddy: The squirrel in the backyard?

D2: Yeah.

Daddy: What should I say about him?

D2: That he likes nuts and eats all the sunflower seeds out of your birdseed.

Daddy: Hmmm. I’ll think about that.

D1: Daddy how do you spell “squirrel?”

Daddy: S-q-u-i-r-r-e-l

D2: Daddy, how do you spell “bird?”

Daddy: B-i-r-d

D1: Daddy, how do you spells “nuts?”

Daddy: D-a-u-g-h-t-e-r-s

D1: Nu-uh!

Daddy: OK, guys, I have to write, so why don’t you go play outside?

D1: I don’t want to.

D2: Can I sit on your lap?

Daddy: Really, guys, I have to come up with something to write about this week. Can I just have a little time to do this? It is a beautiful day outside.

D1: When’s mommy coming home?

Daddy: When’s Halley’s Comet due back?

D1: Huh?

Daddy: Soon, honey. Real soon.

D2: Daddy, can I work on the computer?

Daddy: No! Guys, I have to get something done here. Seriously.

D2: Buuut i reeellllyyyy wantt tu werk onnn thhe kummpewtr....

Daddy: STOP THAT! Don’t touch the keyboard when Daddy’s working. I mean it. Go outside.

D1: But I’m bored. I want you to come outside too.

Daddy: (help me, please help me, please please please help me . . . )

D2: Daddy, why are you whispering?

Daddy: I’m praying.

D1: Praying for what?

Daddy: Grace.

D2: You should write about God!

Daddy: Good idea. Now let me . . .

D1: Or Father’s Day.

Daddy: Done that.

D2: Write about your shoes!

Daddy: I am going to shoot myself.

D1: Daddy! That’s not nice. Remember your house rule? “No being mean to yourself or others.” And shooting yourself is definitely being mean to yourself.

Daddy: (sigh) Yes, that is my house rule.

D2: And “No choking.”

Daddy: Right, that’s my other rule. No choking allowed.

D1: But, Daddy, what if I can’t help it and something is just stuck in my throat?

Daddy: You’d be in big trouble, missy. That is definitely against the rules.

D2: Like “No throwing knives.”

Daddy: That’s more of a guideline than a rule. But yeah.

D2: Cuz you threw that knife that one time?

Daddy: Can we change the subject?

D1: I’m bored.

Daddy: Get your markers and do some coloring . . . outside.

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